My son was diagnosed with Selective Mutism (SM), in 2013, at the age of 3. We worked very hard on a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) treatment plan with a doctor who specialized in SM.   He is now fully verbal in all areas and we no longer think of him as having SM.  Along our journey however,  we came upon a lot of opposing and incredibly frustrating unsolicited opinions from others who did not understand this disorder.  In an effort to clear up misconceptions and raise awareness, here are 8 myths about Selective Mutism that I feel need to be addressed.

I am not a doctor or health professional.  I know others may have different experiences and opinions than my own. These are my opinions as a mom who has read extensively about SM and has helped her son become verbal in all settings through CBT, hard work and never giving up hope. My goal is to raise awareness, clear up misunderstandings and educate parents so they can help their children thrive.

1. Selective Mutism is just an intense shyness.

“He’s just shy.”

“So and so was quiet like him and he turned out fine”

“He’ll outgrow it.”

These types of comments from family members and friends can make someone with SM or a parent want to explode with anger and frustration. Sure, Selective Mutism (SM) can look like shyness on the surface, but there is a big difference between the two. According to the Selective Mutism Association, SM is defined as “A childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s or adolescents’ inability to speak in one or more social settings (ex. school, public places, etc) despite being able to speak comfortably in others setting (ex. at home with family).”

When someone is shy, they tend to warm up to new situations like school and classmates over time. They are able to tell people their needs when truly necessary. A person with SM can actually feel very comfortable in a situation and want to talk, but still be unable to vocalize anything because they are paralyzed by severe anxiety.

2. Selective Mutism is on the autism spectrum

I can see why someone who has little to no knowledge about Selective Mutism could wrongly jump to this conclusion. There are definitely some common behaviors that could be misinterpreted. Children on the spectrum may have a delay or lack of spoken language. They may have trouble interacting socially with peers and/or adults and often avoid eye contact. An appearance of looking shut down can also occur. The HUGE difference between autism and Selective Mutism is that SM is SITUATIONAL. A child with autism will consistently exhibit these types of behavior no matter the setting.  However, for a child with SM their level of communication varies from setting to setting depending on the anxiety felt in the specific environment.

We encountered this in the early stages of trying to figure out what was going on with my son.  Our pediatrician who had “some” knowledge of SM told me that our son was on the autism spectrum. I have nothing against this label, but I knew for sure that this wasn’t true. My son was extremely loving, joyful, cuddly and talkative in his home environment. He had an abundance of imagination and empathy. I changed doctors shortly thereafter and never looked back.

It is so easy to put all your trust in a medical professional and accept what they tell you. I think it happens all the time and is one of the reasons autism rates have risen so drastically. It is so crucial to trust your gut, do your research and be your child’s advocate.

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3. People with Selective Mutism have a below average intelligence.

It is easy to see how educators could perceive children with SM this way.  The standard student evaluation methods often involve verbal participation and test results. Children with SM can appear to be less intelligent, due to their lack of participation in the classroom and often poor test results due to anxiety. This is where an IEP or 504 plan that includes accommodations for a more accurate assessment of the child with SM is so important.

One of my favorite quotes is “Not being able to speak is not the same as not having anything to say.” These children have so much knowledge to share. They take in everything and absorb information, but because of their anxiety, it stays hidden and people make assumptions.

I remember my first preschool parent teacher conference for my son.  The teacher said that his verbal skills could not be evaluated, because she never once heard him speak.  She thought he was struggling with language development; however at home we were impressed by his mature vocabulary and how insightful he was.    In speaking with parents of children diagnosed with Selective Mutism, many communicate that their children are highly intelligent.

4. Selective Mutism is caused by a language impairment

Physically being unable to speak in specific environments does not necessarily mean that a person has a language impairment. While there can be a speech/ language issue involved, many children with SM can speak extremely well, when and where they feel comfortable. My son had a very strong vocabulary from very early on. The family members he felt comfortable speaking with always commented on how well he spoke and how mature his vocabulary was for his age. Selective Mutism can develop in part due to a speech issue, but it is, at it’s core, an anxiety issue.

5. Selective Mutism is something you outgrow if you wait long enough.

No! I strongly believe people do not outgrow SM without proper treatment. They might find ways to develop coping mechanisms, but this type of anxiety doesn’t just go away.  It is not healthy to ignore. Over time it can even lead to a conditioned response of being nonverbal. Not treating it can lead to other problems including poor self esteem, a lack of self confidence, depression, social isolation and so many other psychological issues. One of the biggest frustrations for me is the lack of understanding most medical professionals have about SM. Patients/Parents are often misinformed by their doctor and or pediatrician that they/their child is just shy or it is best to wait it out. Early treatment is so key and the longer you wait to treat SM the more difficult it is to overcome.

6. Bribing someone with Selective Mutism or pressuring them to speak will produce results.

Actually you want to do the exact opposite. Expectation of speech & focusing on talking actually increases anxiety and reinforce muteness. Anyone who has interaction with someone struggling with SM should be educated to remove all pressure and expectation to speak.  This should be the first step.   Reducing anxiety and increasing the comfort level has to occur before the possibility of communication will take place.

Before we met with an SM treatment professional, I admit I was guilty of trying to bribe my child to speak in certain situations. I am positive many other parents, relatives, care takers, friends and educators have done the same.  Before being educated about SM, it just seems like a natural thing to try. So many are currently doing this today.  They will continue to do so until they are correctly informed about the term Selective Mutism and how to interact with someone with this disorder. Another reason why spreading awareness is so important!

7. People with Selective Mutism have experienced a traumatic event or abuse that resulted in them becoming mute.

Again, it is key to remember that SM is situational. If a child experienced a traumatic event and became mute as a result, they would most likely be nonverbal in all situations and environments. If someone has Selective Mutism, their level of communication varies from setting to setting depending on the anxiety felt in the specific environment. Often times, people only see a child in one setting and therefore falsely assume he or she is like this everywhere.   As a parent who loves her children so much, it is heartbreaking to think that someone could perceive my child’s SM as a result of abuse on my part.

According to the Smart Center, where my son went for treatment, the majority of children with Selective Mutism have a genetic predisposition to anxiety. There are many different factors that contribute to SM.  These can  include timid temperament, sensory difficulties, bilingual challenges, and increased expectation. While a traumatic event or abuse could possibly lead to someone being mute, it is not what causes Selective Mutism.

8. Selective Mutism is a rare childhood anxiety disorder.

From what I have read, until the mid 90s there was a lack of research of the topic of SM and prevalence rates vary. On paper, Selective Mutism may seem like a rare occurrence, but I believe the reality is very different. I feel that SM is not as uncommon as it seems, but rather the misunderstandings on the subject leads to misdiagnoses.

Due to a lack of studies and treatment professionals that truly understand Selective Mutism,  misunderstanding arise.  People with SM are often assumed to be just shy, disgnosed with autism, oppositional defiant disorder, or another disorder.  This unfortunately leads to going down the wrong treatment path. Getting the correct treatment is crucial to overcoming Selective Mutism.  This is one of the reasons that I am dedicated to raising awareness, clearing up misunderstandings and encouraging early treatment of SM.

Help spread awareness

Hopefully, you now have a better understanding of some of the myths surrounding Selective Mutism.  It is so important to help educate others who interact with your child.  Please share this post to help spread awareness.

Join the Selective Mutism Parenting Journey FB group to learn more about helping your child with SM and to get updates about my book launch detailing our SM journey and strategies.

Have you struggled with people in your child’s life believing any of these myths?  Have you encountered misunderstandings about your child’s SM that I did not cover?  Please share with us in the comments below.

You may also like: How to Help a Child with Selective Mutism

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