Experiencing After School Meltdowns?

It’s the end of the school day and you are ready to greet the sweet, happy child you dropped off at school or the bus stop this morning. how to handle after school meltdowns You are excited when you spot your child. You can’t wait to give them a hug and hear all about their day. At first, if you are lucky you may get a nice embrace and a few facts from the day, but before you make it back to your home the whining begins. Then once you arrive home, all bets are off. The wrong question or slightest misstep causes an emotional volcano to erupt and you are left wondering, “What the #$@%!”

Am I the only one? If you are reading this I am pretty sure that we are in this together. First, let me start by giving you a big cyberspace hug! Dealing with after school meltdowns are not easy.

Now, if you are wondering why your child is extremely emotional, moody and/or having epic meltdowns that makes teenage drama look tame, then you need to know two things right away. 1. It’s not your fault. 2. It’s not their fault. In this article, I will be discussing what’s most likely going on and how to handle after school meltdowns effectively.

School is demanding

No matter the age of the child or actual length of time they spend there, school can be mentally and physically exhausting. It is full of sensory stimulation from the time your child steps foot in the school door. If they ride a bus, you can double the amount of sensory input that is coming in. There are a lot of children, expectations from teachers, rules to follow, noises, new curriculum to process and learn, chaotic lunch rooms, quick lunches and recess to name a few factors that can lead to overwhelm.

It is a lot for any child to handle, but for a more sensitive child it can be extremely difficult. They have to try so incredibly hard to hold it together the entire day at school. By the time the end of the day comes, they have been dealing with loud noises, crowds, smells, transitions, unexpected changes, and all kinds of feelings throughout their day. They can’t hold it in any longer, they need to release.

Saving it until they feel safe

Of course they are not going to release all their emotions in front of their peers or teachers who they fear may place judgment on them. No, they are going to do it with whom and where they feel most comfortable. They are saving it for when they are home with you.

Now as much as this stinks, I have really tried hard to embrace the idea that this is actually the ultimate compliment. I know it’s hard to think that you are rocking this parenting thing when your 5-year-old is convulsing on the floor after giving him the wrong after school snack or your 10-year-old is slamming her door screaming she wants to be alone, but have faith that you are.

The truth is that they are saving this “lovely” behavior for you, because they feel safe with you and safe in their home. They know that they can show their true feelings and that you and your love will still be there for them when they calm down. Reminding yourself of this can be very effective in keeping you calm during an after school outburst.

Even if you know this and remind yourself of this over and over, when someone is whining, screaming or in full on meltdown mode, your own emotions of frustration and anger are going to eventually get the best of you. So what is a parent to do?

Making it to the other side of after school meltdowns

Now that you know why your child may be having after school meltdowns, let’s talk about how you can help them and yourself come out on the other side with your sanity in tact.

Allow them time to get it all out

It is important for your child to be allowed to release their emotions. They need to get out those feelings they’ve held in all day. Giving him or her time to cry, scream or let it out in a safe way will communicate that you respect their feelings. You should however make sure that they know what is and is not appropriate, discussing this at a time other than after school. Physically hitting, punching, or hurting, as well as verbal threats, name calling, etc. toward anyone in the household should not be tolerated.

Show that you care and understand

If they are in the middle of a meltdown, wait until it is over before trying to communicate with them. Then, get down on their level, offer an embrace and make sure to validate their feelings and comfort them. Spend some distraction-free time together after school doing something that you and your child enjoy. Be present with your child. it will make all the difference.

Save questions for later

As tempting as it is to ask your child questions after not seeing them all day, waiting until they have some down time will produce better results. I find that my children are the most willing to talk about their day while we are playing together, at the dinner table and right before bed. What child doesn’t want to tell you more about their day if it means delaying their bedtime by a few minutes, right!?!

Feed their belly

Offering your child a snack after school is a great way to help them refuel. They probably haven’t eaten anything since lunch and if they are anything like my boys they are probably a little hangry (hungry + angry) 😉

after school snack

Give them plenty of down time

You child needs time to unwind after a busy, demanding day at school Give them time to relax. Let them have some quiet time in their room to engage in an activity that they enjoy. If time allows, offer to read them a story or have them read on their own if old enough. Try your best not to schedule anything for directly after school and limit the amount of after school activities they are involved in. It is important for them to recharge after school and on the weekends.

relaxing

Have an ongoing discussion with your child

Regularly talking with your child or the teacher (if needed) to figure out if they are having any specific struggles at school can give you a lot of insight. Help your child release their worries or fears with the help of a Worry Eater or a journal like My Book of Brave.

Keep track of after school meltdowns

Recording when meltdowns occur can give you insight over time into any patterns that may be occurring. The first month of school might be worse than the second due to settling into a new routine. If you discover that the majority of meltdowns are happening on Tuesdays, maybe something takes place on this day at school that they find difficult.

Putting it into practice

You should now have a better understanding of why after school meltdowns may be occurring with your child and how to handle them effectively. Remember that transitions can be harder for some kids than others. Even though your child is likely transitioning from a highly stimulating environment to a calmer atmosphere after school, going from school to home is a still a transition that requires adjusting. How will you take action and put these ideas into practice?

Share with us in the comments what tips you are most excited to try out or what works best when handling after school meltdowns in your home.